I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
