You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
barbara walters just said penis...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
