umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
