I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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