How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
