I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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