K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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