Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
