i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
