$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
