i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
It's just like the Real World with babies
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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