just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
