its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
