i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
