Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
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