Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize