This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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