i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Randomize
