I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
