I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
