Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
