There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I am spending my child support on dildos
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
