Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
