the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
