Please, let me fuck your mom
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
