the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
