hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
