i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
