forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
