He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
