Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
This is not my ceiling
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
