When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
