you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
