either way he was missing a nipple.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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