a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
