I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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