this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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