your parents love me but you hate me
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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