In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
