You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize