I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
