but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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