I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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