Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
