I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
