Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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