Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
