True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
