it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
