When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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