And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
