You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
