I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
