I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
