And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize