dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
