Porn is love you can see.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
