I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
