it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
