My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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